Copyright trolling is not a harmless phenomenon; hence it is usually not a joking matter. However, an essential feature of the society’s immune system is people not being serious amid desperation. That’s why I simply can’t help sharing some hilarious moments that I discover while browsing mostly gravely boring dockets.
In one of recent single-defendant non-porn Lipscom’b cases initiated “on behalf” of a Prenda-like shell plaintiff of questionable legitimacy (Poplar Oaks v. John Doe, FLSD 15-cv-60281), the defendant decided to file a “protective motion to quash or vacate the Subpoena” on 4/1/2015:
As you see, not only this legally illiterate document had nearly zero chances of success, the defendant signed it with his actual name, totally defeating the purpose of such motion. Alas, it is not an exception: laypeople often don’t realize that absent proper protective order/motion to seal, everything they send to the court (including envelopes) will likely be publicly filed.
The defendant didn’t like it, and on 5/11 he decided to try and convince the judge one more time using exactly the same text.
The troll was slightly annoyed:
Either Defendant’s Motion at CM/ECF 11 was filed in error or Defendant is attempting to get a second bite at the apple by re-filing the exact same Motion this Court previously denied. Defendant previously filed the exact same Motion on April 1, 2015. See CM/ECF 7. Plaintiff responded on April 24, 2015. See CM/ECF 8. On April 28, 2015, the Court denied Defendant’s Motion. See CM/ECF 10. Defendant’s re-filed identical Motion is improper and should be stricken.
On 5/27 the judge, however, rather than striking the second MTQ, simply denied it… using exactly the same language as in his previous order.
The defendant thought it was unfair that his thoroughly written motion was denied again and decided to give it another try on 6/15 (needless to say, the text didn’t change).
At this moment we must realize that Judge Zloch does possess a strong sense of humor, as in his 6/30 order denying the third MTQ, he again used exactly the same language.
“It must be a misunderstanding!” — thought the defendant, filing the very same text (the fourth MTQ) on 7/13.
“No,” said the judge, returning the ball with an elegant, reflexive racquet swing (7/15: the text is identical to his previous three orders).
Lipscomb, who is unquestionably spoiled by his victims’ predictable reactions (the majority either pay the ransom or ignore), apparently suffered from an acute cognitive dissonance, became depressed, and on 7/24 voluntarily dismissed the case without prejudice.
A mandatory cliché “which means that the plaintiff can re-file the case” is expected to accompany “without prejudice.” Well, the troll certainly can refile, but he never will, even to give everyone another chance to enjoy defendant’s outstanding persistence: Lipscomb is a man of many virtues, but sense of humor, alas, is not one of them.
In the meantime, the defendant already hinted that initiating a new case against him would be futile — by preemptively filing a fifth identical MTQ on 7/27, this time after this case was dismissed for good.